6 Simple Ways to Bring Romance Back Into Your Relationship, According to a Therapist
· Vice
Looking to increase your intimacy with your partner? Here are six ways to build romance in your relationship—no matter how long you and your partner have been together.
1. Greet Each Other With Affection
How many times has your partner come home from work and you merely muttered an unenthusiastic “hey” from the couch (or vice versa)? Unfortunately, couples often fall into ruts and stop expressing love and affection, but doing so is crucial to keeping the spark alive.
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“Greet each other with a hug, kiss, a moment of physical affection and endearment whenever you reunite,” says Valerie Kowalski, LMSW, DBT, CBT, REBT, licensed therapist at Gateway to Solutions. “Normalize moments that you can express intimacy and physical love with one another and prioritize regular connection.”
2. Plan New Adventures
Sometimes, all it takes to rekindle your connection is breaking out of routine.
“Make a list of date ideas and adventures—some that are bigger and will be more effort, like vacations; and others that are simple, like exploring new neighborhoods on our nightly walk or drive, or trying a new restaurant in the neighborhood, or playing a new game together,” Kowalski recommends.
3. Voice Your Love and Appreciation
Never underestimate the power of voicing your gratitude and positive feelings for your partner. While they likely know deep down that you love them, find them attractive, etc., it’s still nice to hear it from time to time.
“Share what you feel about one another daily, whether it is ‘I love you,’ ‘thank you for doing this,’ ‘you’re beautiful,’ ‘you make me laugh,’ ‘you gave me peace today,’ ‘I’ve been looking forward to seeing you all day,’” says Kowalski. “Don’t assume the other person knows what you are thinking; share how you are feeling about them.”
4. Make Time for Intimacy
Look, I get it: no one wants to “plan” their sex life. Typically, the more spontaneity the better. But sometimes, when you’re working conflicting schedules or simply enduring stressful times, intimacy can fall by the wayside.
“Plan time to be intimate if it isn’t already happening,” Kowalski says. “If you are waiting for the perfect moment and you both have busy schedules, it may never happen. Thursday nights can be date night, and Sunday mornings may offer more time to feel closer.”
5. Don’t Avoid Conflict
Oddly enough, conflict resolution can be incredibly romantic. Think about it: you and your partner love and care for each other so much that you’re willing to have hard yet respectful conversations to reach a place of comfort and agreement. This is far better than wallowing in anger or resentment.
“If you don’t confront the challenges you are facing, you may build resentment toward one another, causing intimacy and romance to dissipate,” Kowalski points out. “Have regular conversations about how you are both feeling, and think about challenges as us vs. the problem rather than you vs. me.”
6. Find Joy in the Small Moments
If you delay intimacy and romance for the big, exciting moments in life—like vacations, anniversaries, holidays, etc.—you’ll miss out on the meaningful pockets of everyday joy.
“Make the smaller moments more fun: put on your favorite music while you cook dinner or clean, play games, laugh with one another, find new jokes, ask questions, and be more curious about each other’s interests, passions, and goals,” Kowalski says.
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