This Dating Trend Could Help You Find Love Without Going Broke
· Vice
You’ve heard of “infladating,” but what about affordating? This similar trend describes the modern-day, financially aware approach to dating that many singles are experimenting with.
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What Is Affordating?
The term “affordating” merges the words “afford” and “dating,” referring to a more affordable form of dating that prioritizes financial responsibility. Rather than planning luxurious dates to impress a date, singles are now being more mindful with their money.
“Affordating, from my perspective, is becoming clear about what financial resources we wish to commit to dating based on our values, communicating such to the other person, behaving in a way consistent with such,” says Kristine Anthis, PhD, Certified Matchmaker and Founder of IFS Dating & Matchmaking. “In my work as a matchmaker (and couples therapist), I highly encourage clients to discuss money early on, for a variety of reasons.”
According to Anthis, one of those reasons is to avoid setting unrealistic expectations for a potential partner.
“That can foster a money script, or financial belief, that their self-worth is based on their net worth, and then pressure to perform outward displays of wealth they may or may not have,” she says. “So the intention with such inward and outward clarity is not being stingy (which is another person’s judgment they don’t have to agree to) yet instead to behave in a way that is consistent with the person’s values, such as financial stability.”
Why Affordating Is Common Today
Affordating is common for a variety of reasons, from high cost of living to shift in dating culture. Some modern daters are planning multiple first dates per month, which can add up if they’re covering most of the bill.
“I suspect affordating is common now because of recent drastic changes in the cost of living, single people being burned out on the apps and wanting to meet people in person for long conversations, which historically have been at restaurants, or to signal their ‘worth’ and that they are ‘good enough’ for the other person, who they may fear has more resources,” Anthis says. “So I think all of these, and any emotional burdens the person is carrying from attachment wounds—such as feeling unlovable, something is wrong with them, or they are not good enough—are underneath such.”
How to Partake in Affordating
Our value as partners does not come from what we can physically give to another person, be it money, a flashy experience, or an expensive dinner. Affordating can help us form more authentic, less superficial connections while prioritizing our financial wellness.
“How someone can go about it is becoming clear on all their values, the financial values and their values impacted by their financial choices, such as, say, ability to go to high-ticket restaurants or events,” Anthis explains. “Becoming clear about which and how much of which resource (financial, emotional, practical) they wish to spend on getting to know people, if not also as a potential partner. People tend to forget that there is no obligation to commit to a second or third date, so spending beyond what one prefers to for ‘just’ a first date can lead to regrets about such spending.”
Additionally, if a date goes well and a relationship deepens, you can open the floor to more discussions about finances and expectations. For example, does the individual expect you to cover all dinner costs going forward? Do they prefer pricey meals over casual bites? Like with most facets of dating, compatibility is crucial.
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