Why You Keep Saving Your Life for Later, According to Psychology
· Vice
I don’t know what social conditioning led us here, but I’ve noticed an unhealthy pattern in myself and many other people today: We’re too afraid to truly live—not just get through each day—in the moment and instead choose to “save” life for later.
“I’ll finally travel when I’m more financially secure.” “I’ll move to my dream town when I’m more successful.” “I’ll prioritize my hobbies and passions when I’m older.” “I’ll light the taper candles and make the fancy cheese plate when I have company.”
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These are all things I tell myself on the regular.
But why? Why do we delay our own enjoyment? Why must we earn happiness like it isn’t our birthright?
Why People ‘Save’ Their Life for Later
Personally, I can admit my tendency comes from a lack mentality. I don’t want to burn my way through all my favorite candles too soon or dip into my savings for a much-needed getaway. And of course, in many ways, that’s valid. I think there’s a healthy balance between splurging every single day and depriving yourself of pleasure.
However, according to Eric Solomon, Ph.D., in his Psychology Today article on the topic, this habit has nothing to do with willpower.
“The brain runs wanting and liking on two different neural systems,” he wrote. “Wanting is the chase, the lean-forward, pull-toward something you haven’t yet reached. Liking is the slower pleasure of actually having it. The chase is the more powerful system of the two, the one evolved to keep you reaching, and it turns out that the hit of wanting fires whether or not the liking ever arrives. So you can keep grabbing forever and savor nothing.”
This might look like waiting to wear that new dress you bought, saving your favorite snack for the weekend, not booking that dream vacation until you’re more settled. While some of these habits might seem like forms of discipline, when done in excess, they often cause you to miss out on your life.
And in many ways, it’s the fantasy of having these things that fulfills us long before we ever actually get them. It gives us hope for an ideal future.
“We are trying to optimize our way out of pain, suffering, and uncertainty, so that when we finally do the thing—take the trip, go back to school, have the baby, get married, reach the next goal—we will live happily ever after and not struggle anymore,” says Molly Halbrooks, trauma therapist and founder of Restore Counseling and Therapy. “Unfortunately, happiness is transitory, just like all of our other emotional experiences. It is not possible to achieve happiness and stay put, but we often take its impermanence as confirmation that we just haven’t worked hard enough yet.”
How to Start Savoring Your Life
Delaying enjoyment and fulfillment is no way to live your life. You are allowed to be happy, to savor your blessings, to feel more grounded in the present.
Of course, it’s one thing to hear and even believe this sentiment. It’s a whole other thing actually to put it into practice.
But you can start slow—and you certainly don’t need to break the bank to prove a point. Think about something you’ve been putting off for a while, like a solo date to the coffee shop or a night spent reading that book you’ve been longing to devour for weeks. Choose enjoyment in the moment, and let yourself fully experience and savor it.
“Joyful living is made up of small moments, of allowing ourselves to savor little things, to treat enjoyment and pleasure as necessities rather than something we have to earn or can only have when we’ve completed our tasks,” says Halbrooks.
At the risk of sounding cheesy and existential, our lives could end at any given moment. We could lose the privileges and blessings we have today, so why not appreciate them while we still have them? Why not take those scenic hikes while you still have the health to do so? Why not book that trip with your loved ones while they’re still around? Why not order that takeout on a Wednesday night instead of waiting until Friday, gifting yourself your favorite meal after a long workday?
There’s a difference between planning for the future and saving your blessings for the future. We only have right now. Start living like it.
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