How to Tell If You’re Dating Someone Who’s Comfortable Staying Stuck
· Vice
Every relationship has its issues, as no person or partner is perfect. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, which can be highlighted in our most intimate connections. One prime example is a lack of ambition.
While someone’s lack of life goals, discipline, or follow-through might have consequences in their personal life, it can also directly impact their partner and their potential future together. Thankfully, there are ways to spot a lack of ambition and navigate the concern with your partner. Here are three signs your partner lacks ambition—and how to address the issue with grace.
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Signs Your Partner Lacks Ambition
1. They Don’t Have Dreams or Life Goals
From a young age, I only felt comfortable with a pen and notebook in hand and envisioned myself as an author. I’ve since made that dream a reality and couldn’t imagine not having that sense of purpose to both ground me and motivate me.
But as an adult, I’ve learned that not everyone knows what they want to do with their life—and that’s okay. However, this can manifest as a lack of ambition.
“Sometimes ambition is about a quality of being, which looks less like someone with notoriety or a high paycheck and more like a person who is driven and optimistic, someone who has dreams and goals for the future,” says Kristen Mosier, LMFT, and author of the book Restless: How to Stop Living an If-Only Life.
2. They Don’t Follow Through
While having goals is a positive sign of ambition, Mosier notes that a person’s dreams don’t speak to their ambition if there’s no follow-through. This is where discipline and determination come into play.
“It’s not just having big ideas,” she says. “It’s also the grit to see them through to fruition, even when the initial excitement wears off.”
3. They Chase Excitement
Being ambitious does not mean constantly feeling inspired or excited about your ideas. In fact, I’d argue the most difficult part of remaining driven is sticking with your goals when they get “boring” or “difficult.”
“When someone is constantly chasing excitement, it can leave their partner frustrated and resentful, especially if they feel they have to be the responsible or steady one,” says Mosier. “A partner with genuine ambition is someone you can dream with, and who knows that every part of that growth won’t be glamorous.”
“For someone who values ambition, red flags in a partner might not only be obvious ones, such as staying at a job out of comfort or being lackadaisical about next steps,” Mosier adds. “It might also look like someone constantly chasing big ideas, but teetering out once roadblocks arrive, or perhaps, jumping from job to job in pursuit of a fantasy career.”
Addressing a Partner’s Lack of Ambition
Just because someone struggles with ambition doesn’t make them a terrible partner. However, this behavior can certainly cause tension or resentment within relationships—especially if the other partner is holding down the fort.
“For those in existing relationships where this is a concern, start with curiosity before critique,” Mosier recommends. “Ask them what they want their life to look like in five years. Then evaluate whether their vision and goals are in line with what you value.”
“If there is a lack of vision, inquire what’s underneath that, whether it’s fear, burnout, or something else,” she continues. “Once you’ve had those conversations, it will be clearer whether there’s a values mismatch to consider when deciding on the future of the relationship.”
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